One of the most positive contributing factors to enhancing student wellbeing is consistency. When the messages students hear at school are reinforced at home, they are more likely to develop the confidence, resilience and skills they need to thrive, in school and in life. That is why partnerships with families remain central to our approach to wellbeing at Haileybury.
This year, we have been delighted to welcome an expert partner, Dr Judith Locke, to join us at Haileybury to present a series of workshops for parents. These sessions, hosted by City and Castlefield, and streamed online, were thoughtful, engaging, and very much aligned with many of the same principles we work to instil in our students.
A consistent theme across these family workshops has been the idea that supporting our children’s wellbeing is not about removing challenge, but about equipping students to manage them when they arise. Children are far more likely to build resilience when they are encouraged to solve problems, experience natural consequences, and reflect on setbacks with the guidance of trusted adults. It is a very normal part of growing up.
Dr Locke’s emphasis on balanced feedback, developing a growth mindset, fostering independence and supporting children to deal with discomfort resonated strongly with families and staff alike. The feedback from each of the four workshops we offered to the community was so positive.
These workshops with Dr Locke form part of our Safe Online Actions and Relationships (SOAR) family events roadshow. Our development of SOAR reflects our commitment to supporting student wellbeing in the online world, which is an area that continues to present both opportunity and challenge for children, and us all. I encourage you to explore the SOAR suite of resources on our website.
Dr Locke’s messages around independence, boundaries and responsibility are particularly relevant online, where students must make myriad daily decisions about behaviour, safe connections and self regulation. We are committed to supporting students to make sensible decisions and remain safe online. We are equally as committed to empowering you, our families, to support your children too.
Through SOAR, we aim to equip families with the knowledge and tools to support these safe behaviours at home. Whether navigating social interactions, managing screen time, or responding to online challenges, shared understanding between families and the School makes a significant difference.
We know that students’ wellbeing is strongest when our work with them is consistent, intentional and positive. Events such as these family workshops remind us that supporting our young people to thrive is truly a collective effort. By continuing to work in partnership with families, and through initiatives like SOAR opening even more conversations with families, we aim to create the conditions in which students grow with confidence, resilience and purpose. And, with safety online.
I encourage you to consider reading Dr Judith Locke’s books. She has written three highly regarded books, aimed at supporting families with the complex work of parenting your children.
As I have read her work and been part of her Haileybury workshops this year, I understand her primary message to be that parents and schools are at our best when we work together, with a shared focus on raising capable, resilient, increasingly independent and confident young adults.
Dr Locke’s books are The Bonsai Child, The Bonsai Student and Raising Anxiety. For your interest, I have summarised some of the key workshop messages below as an introduction to her work.
- Avoid overparenting (the ‘Bonsai’ Concept): Dr Locke warns against over-involved parenting that creates ‘bonsai’ children. That is, children who seem perfect and are highly nurtured but may lack the ‘root system,’ or resilience, to thrive as they get older.
- Step back to build resilience: Resilience is built when children face and overcome challenges themselves. Locke advises parents to normalise feelings of fear or disappointment as a natural part of growth rather than rushing to solve every problem for children.
- Establish clear, unemotional boundaries: Parents should provide structure through clear rules and immediate, unemotional consequences. This helps children understand accountability without the added weight of parental shame or long lectures.
- Shift from ‘salary’ to ‘commission’: For older children and teens, privileges, like lifts to a friend's house, can often be ‘earned’ through contributions to the household, teaching young people that effort leads to reward.
- Healthy technology use: This was a focus for our workshops, as a connection to SOAR for families. Dr Locke advocates strict limits on personal devices, particularly at night and during meals, to protect sleep, encourage real-world interaction, and prevent scrolling addiction.
We have certainly noticed the benefits of the mobile phone ban during the day at school. Students express how much they appreciate the time without their phones too.
- Prepare for ‘real life’: Dr Locke’s book Raising Anxiety argues that modern efforts to protect children from discomfort may inadvertently increase anxiety. Practical strategies include building essential life skills and changing how families discuss challenges.
At Haileybury, our work aligns with Dr Locke’s key messages for us this year. At the School, this means clear expectations, structured support and opportunities for students to stretch themselves academically, socially and emotionally. We know that students thrive when they are challenged and supported, when their wellbeing is as important as their learning.
For families at home, this means allowing (and expecting) your children to embrace age‑appropriate responsibility and resisting the urge to immediately step in for them at times of struggle.
When we work together in this way, children receive a clear, consistent and powerful message from both home and school. That message is that “you are supported, you are capable, you are cared about, and you are expected to do your best.”
This important alignment at Haileybury promotes self efficacy, nurtures resilience and builds a genuine sense of personal achievement and wellbeing for our students.
Nathan Chisholm
Deputy Principal Wellbeing